Coronation marketing (shoehorns assemble)

Pass me that shoehorn will you, I want to create some Coronation themed marketing for my business…

Alas, it seems we are all out of shoehorns, such is the clamour to jump on the Diamond Jubilee state coach (otherwise known as the Coronation band wagon) and force together some tenuous link between the new king being formally crowned and brands which have zero relevance to monarchy.

Call me an old cynic (and you are well within your rights on both those counts) but the anticipation of a slew of brands going coronation crazy provokes less of the Household Cavalry’s drum roll of anticipation and more of an eye-roll of apathy. A few brands will pull it off with aplomb, I am sure, but so far, I haven’t seen one that deserves the crown.  

Heinz’s coronation bottle nearly made it, until I realised that each celebration bottle does not actually come with a tiny monarch’s crown and cape as depicted in the marketing shots (more’s the blimmin’ pity). Instead, you get a numbered bottle which is called (you may as well clench your teeth now, it’s painful)... Kingchup. Get that bottle in the recycling bin now.

Celebrations have created a life-size King Charles bust made of chocolate, so let’s hope we don’t get a coronation heatwave as no one wants Charles dripping on the tablecloths. It also begs the question which poor sod will be given the job of sharing out this confectionary creation – will chopping off the King’s nose be considered treason? And let’s face it, Mars should really have made it from all the leftover fun size Bountys that are abandoned at the bottom of Christmas Celebration tins across the land. Surely Charles would have applauded the recycling initiative?

Aldi has, of course, created a King carrot soft toy, with the tremendously instructive online product description of “Celebrate with this carrot soft toy”. Because nothing says British monarchy better than a furry carrot. Actually, there is something… how about ‘King Charles Sausage Fingers’ – the ultimate party and barbeque snack to celebrate our new head of state. Now why hasn’t someone created that?

Sources (or should I say sauces): marketing-beat.co.uk, aldi.co.uk